Day 3 (although written day 4)

Chocolate everywhere! I went to a meeting, of course chocolate chip cookies were served as refreshments. I ate the fruit and a couple ginger-snap cookies. Came home son bought a new cookbook, had to try out a recipe - of course snowball chocolate chip cookies, I'm sure they were delicious. There is still cookie dough in the fridge calling my name.
I was able to focus on the meeting, until I looked at the plate next to me with a couple cookies on it. I felt much better after she polished off her cookies.
Maybe I'm not as ADD as I think I am. I can focus, as long as a distraction is not right in front of me.
I had lots of great epiphanies yesterday, but of course I can't remember them as I'm typing.
One day at a time - Day 3 conquered!
The first couple of days I really supplemented with other sweets and sugar. Yesterday I really cut down on the sugar intake, I'm going to try to keep that up, less substitutions.
Chocolate comforts, I eat it when I'm tired, bored, craving attention, distracted and for various other reasons - relate that to anything else anyone?

Day 2

I've had so many little insights over the past almost 2 days, but of course I didn't write any of them down, so I'll do my best to remember them.
Some of my most vivid recollections of the past 36 hours have been:
I don't crave chocolate if I am physically satisfied (not hungry)
I may have a chocolate addiction
When I see others eating chocolate I have two reactions -
     1. kind of "sour grapes" 
     2. serious thought of I really don't want that.
I've thought about chocolate everytime I am not thinking of something else. If my mind is not engaged, it wanders to the forbidden. Is this what it's like for others?
I've been a little more judgemental when it comes to modesty as well. My awareness of immodest dress (among women, strangely enough) has been heightened. I've always been judgemental (I'm working on it!) and I've always noticed immodesty - although I try not to, but these past 2 days I've been more conscious of it still.

I also feel very judged by others, maybe because I feel that I've been more judgemental. "Judge not that ye be not judged".

Epiphany

I once read that chocolate for a woman is like porn for men. You walk into a grocery store, it's everywhere - you have to look at it (I'm talking chocolate and porn for now). It's tempting you from the checkout lines, just pick up those M&M's they are on sale. That tempting woman on the cover of the magazine, there is more inside - and if you don't want to open it up, just explore in your mind.

Imagine as a woman, if not only was the chocolate there in front of you where ever you went, but there were actually people walking around verbally tempting you to take it. Now, I realize chocolate is not evil, per-se, but the temptations are similar. 

My epiphany last night was - if I expect my husband and my sons (I have 4 boys 11-16) to live a pure, virtuous, porn-free life, I should lead by example. Since porn is not a temptation for me, like it is for most men and boys, I've chosen chocolate. This is not Lent, but possibly through my journey I will also discover more about other religions and practices as well.

Last night as I was eating a chocolate cake a very wise man helped me to remember how these two temptations (chocolate and porn) are similar. The cake started tasting funny, and eventually gave me a stomach ache, more of an emotional pain than a physical. As I was eating, I decided this is what I was going to do - which made me want to finish that last bit of chocolate, even though it was making me nauseous (sound familar to spiritual temptations?)

Today: Day 1 - So chocolate keeps coming to my mind, not necesarily as a temptation, but as a "you know you can't have it, so just think about it for a minute". It still makes me nauseous and even the 39 cent Butterfinger special at Walgreens (which my oldest son mentioned to me) was not a temptaion. Butterfingers are my favorite candy bar, by the way. I told him I was doing a chocolate experiment to see how long I can go without it. My husband wants me to pick a date - he says forever is too long of a goal. I'm sticking with forever, but for him we will work towards April 20. That is less than 2 weeks away, but that may be longer than I've ever gone without chocolate (again - seeing the similarities?)

I would love to share this with people, but I'm not comfortable doing that yet. I've noticed that my other blog has been read by others, so if this blog is open, I'd appreciate a comment so I know if it's being read by others than myself.